Douthat is married.

To condense a tortured path from the article –
‘ The man who lets his eyes stray across the photo of Gisele Bündchen, bare-assed and beguiling on the cover of GQ, has betrayed his wife in some sense, but only a 21st-century Savonarola would describe that sort of thing as adultery…. This seems like a potentially reasonable distinction to draw. But the fantasy-versus-reality, pixels-versus-flesh binary feels more appropriate to the pre-Internet landscape…. And it feels much more appropriate to the tamer sorts of pornography, from the increasingly archaic (dirty playing cards and pinups, smutty books and the Penthouse letters section) to the of-the-moment (the topless photos and sex-scene stills in the more restrained precincts of the online pornosphere), than it does to the harder-core material at the heart of the porn economy….But hard-core pornography is real sex by definition, and the two sexual acts involved—the on-camera copulation, and the masturbation it enables—are interdependent: neither would happen without the other.’

And here, he actually could make a decent point – the porn I enjoy doesn’t come from the ‘porn economy’ – lots of people are more than happy enough to share, and have been doing so since the old Usenet days. Not to mention the unbelievable amount of erotica that has been produced over history.

Instead, he just flakes out – as if the pornography my wife and I have made and shared is somehow related to an industry, or that the fact that we create and share is something utterly beyond his conception of how people act.

Of course, I have to admit that Douhat seems to have a lot more experience with parts of the Internet that really leave me and my wife cold, which leads to the sort of speculation which isn’t worth my time.

Especially with a phrase like ‘a porn apologist’ – which I guess describes me, and by extension, my wife. Though honestly, we are better than apologists – we are pornographers.

They could also preach what they practice, the same way.

One man’s porn, is another’s Sear catalog.

In general, the tone of Ross’ article was too prudish to be useful in discussing this topic with any degree of seriousness. I couldn’t tell for example whether he was implying masturbation when he referred to “viewing porn” or not. His admission “I’ve looked at porn” is ambiguous at best. Is the guy looking at porn with his buddies but definitely not masturbating or even sporting an erection at the same time committing an infidelity? Who the hell knows.

In the end, I think that porn and masturbation, like almost any other activity, can be detrimental to a monogamous relationship if it interferes with time spent together and one’s partner’s wishes. But in general, I think most people would do better to feel less guilty about sex rather than more so.

Nice analogy with defecation. I’ll use it as an opportunity to provide one of my favorite exchanges from “Family Guy:

Peter: I’m looking for some toilet training books.

Salesman: We have the popular “Everybody Poops,” or the less popular “Nobody poops but you.”

Peter: (hesitates) Well, you see, we’re Catholic…

Salesman: Ah, then you’ll want “You’re a Naughty, Naughty Boy, and That’s Concentrated Evil Coming Out the Back of You.”

Also: well-put, Kerry.

::considers::

Ain’t a-gonna happen.