Kerry Howley

Betsey Stevenson tags modern marriage “hedonic marriage,”  the family having morphed from a “forum for shared production” to one of shared consumption. This is useful and obviously correct; increasingly, modern partnership is about sharing in a self-indulgent, not self-abnegating sense. We watch The Wire together because our emotional reactions register more deeply that way, not because we want to get the most out of our monthly cable payment.

I’ve been trying to get a grip on the feminist literature on nationalism, and–to use the Stevenson framing–I’m wondering why societies that have adapted to the consumption partner model become so deeply critical of production partners. Here’s Pei-Chia Lan’s account (PDF) of a woman being grilled over a marriage visa:

The following conversation is an excerpt from my observation of a TECO officer, a Taiwanese male in his forties, interviewing a Vietnamese woman in her early twenties who was engaged to a Taiwanese factory worker who had lost one arm in an accident.

“Do you want to marry him at your own will?” asked the officer.
She nodded, quietly.
“He is handicapped. Are you really voluntarily entering the marriage?”
“Yes. Life in Vietnam is harsh.”
“Do you actually love him, or are you just doing this for economic reasons?
“I really like him.”
“But you only met him for two days [before getting engaged]! How romantic!
Love at first sight, um? [sarcastic tone] Isn’t this a way to escape from poverty? I
hope you are truly in love, not doing this just for the residency…. Do not remit all the
money home after getting married. He works really hard for it.”

States bestow marriage visas, and so bureaucrats deem it state business to decide what constitutes a “real” marriage. The old models aren’t just discredited; they’re suddenly illegitimate, false, based on deception not just between partners but between partners and the state.  “Do you actually love him, or are you just doing this for economic reasons?” Because what has counted as marriage for most of the institution’s history suddenly doesn’t count here.